The Parents' Guide To Consuming Cannabis Discreetly At Home

There are myriad reasons for wanting to get high, and just as many for not wanting to smell like marijuana – especially around your little ones. In an age of vapes and edibles, it is becoming easier to conceal cannabis use, but for many people smoking is still their preference.

So for the old-school smokers out there, here are a few tips to help hide the habit at home.

Tagteam effort

First, you’re going to need at least five minutes to yourself. If you’re married with children, ask your partner to play blocker. If not, a locked door and digital babysitter may be required.

Airflow is key

Find a place in the house that has positive airflow, pulling air outside. In a home with oil heat, the furnace has an exhaust vent you can blow your smoke out of. Alternatively, windows that slide open vertically can often give you a small opening for your mouth. If a horizontally opening window is the only option, use a 2x4 to block most of the opening. Give yourself a four-inch by four-inch hole to blow smoke out of, using the 2x4 to block the rest of the open window. Smoke will often blow back in the room otherwise.

Accessorize for the occasion

The next thing you need is a good quality water pipe. Using a bong allows you to take your hit in one lungful, keeping that stinky smoke from entering the environment. By packing the bowl tight, and taking the hit as one long breath, you pull 100 percent of the smoke, and the smell, into your mouth. Hold for as long as you dare, then slowly release into the positive airflow, pulling it outside. As long as the water is relatively clean, and smoke was drawn uniformly, it should produce no coughing.

Post-sesh hygiene

Head directly to the bathroom for a thorough hand washing, and reapply deodorant – preferably a scented variety to help mask any lingering aroma of marijuana. Brush your teeth and use mouthwash, then finish with gum. Drinking water will help with the pasties and red-eye. If you’re a microdoser, and you’re heading to the bathroom to brush your teeth for the third time this morning, consider strong, flavoured coffee as a good way to mask any smell instead. Peanut butter is nature’s cure to almost any breath ailment. Seriously.

Game on

By familiarizing yourself with a good bong and using a little bit of forethought, you can sneak away for a sesh without smelling like you just took a spin in Willie Nelson’s bus. Having the ability to take small tokes allow many parents to be on their A game, instead of couch-locked from an unreliable edible or jacked-up vape. Control the smoke with a bong and a vent, and you’ll come out smelling like a lady or gent.


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